I obsess.
I obsess when I am not busy about things that do not matter.
Death, mostly - How/when/where will I /my family/my friends die... but other things too.
Did I leave the straightener/oven/stove on?
Did I lock the door?
Does everyone notice that my car is dirty/my pants are tight/my makeup is splotchy?
Did I get an A on the paper? Did they like the paper? Am I really as smart as I think I am?
It seems to be more like a problem now than just a weird quirk of mine. I am making a lot of lists again... like 4-5 a day. I check our account balance at least twice a day. I wonder what is causing my sudden obsessive behavior? Hmmm...
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
I am a Fat, Lazy Housewife...
Yeah, this is pretty much how I feel today. First of all I will clean the house all day but I will not do the clothes!! They are so daunting! I HATE FOLDING, HANGING UP, WASHING, DRYING, and ORGANIZING CLOTHES!!!!! Give me a toilet to clean any day! Anyway....I had a physical at my house by my life insurance provider and she brought out a brand new, fancy scale. At first I thought, no problem, I know how much I weigh and I am okay with it. But no...the scale had to be new and weighed me differently than the old scales I have been using. So...I step on. It reads: 158.7. Shit.
When I got married I weighed 138-145 lbs (it fluctuated a lot right before I got married). But I worked really hard to get it down that low. So this means that after a year and 2 months of marriage I am 14-20 pounds heavier. What if I do this every year for the next 10 years? Let's see, let's say and average of 18 pounds a year for ten years I will weigh: 338 pounds! What about over the next 40 years?? I will weigh 878 POUNDS! AH!
So, I knew I had gained weight because my legs look like sausages instead of bean stalks but I didn't think I was nearly the heaviest I have ever been!! (I weighed 165 when I moved to Valdosta and lost it all...but now I am going to be right back up there!!!) So...what is the decision? Work out?...I really just do not have the patience right now. Drinking a lot of water? YES. Stop drinking alcohol? NO. Stop eating bread? NO NO NO. Limit portions? YES. Pizza? MAYBE. UGH...I hate the process of losing weight...and I hate it too because everyone always says "You don't need to lose weight!!" and then I just feel like I can eat whatever I want...So please, do not tell me I do not need to lose it, I DO...I weigh closer to 200 pounds than 100 so this is not hard to figure out, I need to lose weight. The healthy weight for my height is 135-155. I want to be at the 135.
When I got married I weighed 138-145 lbs (it fluctuated a lot right before I got married). But I worked really hard to get it down that low. So this means that after a year and 2 months of marriage I am 14-20 pounds heavier. What if I do this every year for the next 10 years? Let's see, let's say and average of 18 pounds a year for ten years I will weigh: 338 pounds! What about over the next 40 years?? I will weigh 878 POUNDS! AH!
So, I knew I had gained weight because my legs look like sausages instead of bean stalks but I didn't think I was nearly the heaviest I have ever been!! (I weighed 165 when I moved to Valdosta and lost it all...but now I am going to be right back up there!!!) So...what is the decision? Work out?...I really just do not have the patience right now. Drinking a lot of water? YES. Stop drinking alcohol? NO. Stop eating bread? NO NO NO. Limit portions? YES. Pizza? MAYBE. UGH...I hate the process of losing weight...and I hate it too because everyone always says "You don't need to lose weight!!" and then I just feel like I can eat whatever I want...So please, do not tell me I do not need to lose it, I DO...I weigh closer to 200 pounds than 100 so this is not hard to figure out, I need to lose weight. The healthy weight for my height is 135-155. I want to be at the 135.
Monday, May 12, 2008
*~Summer~*
I am done with classes and my assistantship for the summer! Yay for keeping my 4.0 average! Derek and I will be working this summer - in Warren County teaching and organizing the youth activities at the church here because Nick, the youth director, is leaving.
I am considering finding a full-time job for next year. This semester was busy but my next 2 semester are going to be a piece of cake and I really should work if I can - and I can! So - the job search begins for a full-time, salaried job (benefits do not matter because I get those through Derek), and a little flexible for my 2 classes I am taking next semester. We will see what happens.
Daddy has a new boat - it is WONDERFUL and I love it so much ! We are going to have a blast on it this summer! We went to the lake yesterday but it was way to windy to do anything so Mama and I just sat around and talked, it was nice.
Things are going considerably well in Sandersville. It is Spring and so nice outside, we can walk the dogs alot. We are trying to keep our chins up because in reality Derek loves his job, I am doing great in school, and we are doing okay financially (and will do a lot better when I get a job!!!). So, between the two of us Sandersville is not bad - it is just some of the social politics that bother us sometimes, I guess the good part is, the politics do not touch us very often - but it is sad to see other people go through the slander-mill here.
Anyway - Derek and I are going to be in the community theatre play this summer - the last weekend in June I believe. I will be Rapunzel, a very small role, thank God. Derek is the Baker which is the lead role, of course, because my husband is such the talent!!! I am nervous, don't know why I am doing this - but Derek is so excited, he really loves getting on stage for singing, acting, or both. He is so gifted in those areas...unlike his wife. But, if you want a laugh, come see the play.
The end for this morning.
I am considering finding a full-time job for next year. This semester was busy but my next 2 semester are going to be a piece of cake and I really should work if I can - and I can! So - the job search begins for a full-time, salaried job (benefits do not matter because I get those through Derek), and a little flexible for my 2 classes I am taking next semester. We will see what happens.
Daddy has a new boat - it is WONDERFUL and I love it so much ! We are going to have a blast on it this summer! We went to the lake yesterday but it was way to windy to do anything so Mama and I just sat around and talked, it was nice.
Things are going considerably well in Sandersville. It is Spring and so nice outside, we can walk the dogs alot. We are trying to keep our chins up because in reality Derek loves his job, I am doing great in school, and we are doing okay financially (and will do a lot better when I get a job!!!). So, between the two of us Sandersville is not bad - it is just some of the social politics that bother us sometimes, I guess the good part is, the politics do not touch us very often - but it is sad to see other people go through the slander-mill here.
Anyway - Derek and I are going to be in the community theatre play this summer - the last weekend in June I believe. I will be Rapunzel, a very small role, thank God. Derek is the Baker which is the lead role, of course, because my husband is such the talent!!! I am nervous, don't know why I am doing this - but Derek is so excited, he really loves getting on stage for singing, acting, or both. He is so gifted in those areas...unlike his wife. But, if you want a laugh, come see the play.
The end for this morning.
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